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  • Writer's pictureWendy Bradfield

How to Tell People You Don't Date

And avoid the "you haven't found the right one" discussion.

I’ve dated Mr. Right more than once. And I’ve dated Mr. Right Now a few times too. I consider myself lucky in love, not because any relationship lasted forever, but because I’ve been in love more than not.

Are you unlucky in love if it doesn't last until the zombie apocalypse? I think not.

We all know people who are always in a relationship, and frankly, I’m more concerned about those folks.

How do they know who they are apart from their mate? That’s one of my biggest challenges with intimacy.

I lose myself completely.

Another sticky bit about romantic relationships is they tend to anesthetize you if you stop growing together.

I relish losing myself to love for a time, but eventually, I need to reclaim myself, which turns into a massive expedition ending in what have I been doing the last few years?

There must be something wrong with you

Most people think there's something wrong with you, and you somehow lack in the relationship department if you don't have one.

Perhaps you had a devastating breakup or can't commit. Maybe you got cheated on and have trust issues. Who among us has not been scarred by love?

Tell people you don't date, and you will give them an aneurism. They want to help you. They know someone who’d be perfect for you; they want to fix you and fix you up too.

Chances are, these well-meaning folks are in a relationship. Ahh, perspective.

The man on a mission to date you

When you’re female, and you tell a man who wants to date you, you don't date, lookout! He’s likely to make it his mission to change your mind. Many believe they are the answer to the riddle — the "right one” riddle.

But what they fail to understand is after a year or two of being solo, you lean into it more and more. It feels good, and I dare say it’s an empowering elixir for contentment.

Your single friends

Thank all the gods for my single friends. We love to commiserate about the folks enmeshed in relationships just like they do about us.

We celebrate our freedom and wild abandon to do what we want when we want and with whomever.

Freedom becomes the barometer for fulfillment, and giving it up after rebuilding your foundation around it is a hard sell.

Emotional maintenance

I don’t know a lot of people who take the time for emotional maintenance. But the ideal time to do it is after a relationship ends. You’re ripe to review your lessons and how you’ve changed in light of them.

It’s a window of opportunity that takes a bit of commitment. The longer you stick with it, the more you grow and learn about yourself. I’ve rarely entered into relationships whole. But the next time I do, I will be closer to whole than I’ve ever been before.

I know who I am

I know more about who I am today and what I want more than at any other time in my life. The independence I’ve cultivated gives me an inner knowing and a calm confidence.

My ability to physically, emotionally, and spiritually care for myself negates the need to search for a partner who can fulfill these roles.

When you place your well-being outside yourself, you give away your personal power. When you give away your power, you are beholden to others.

The next time someone asks you why you don’t date

So, how do you tell people you don’t date anymore without getting stuck in a “You just haven’t found the right one” conversation?

Well, it’s tricky for sure, it takes a load of practice, and even then, people still reject your reasoning.

The next time someone gives you the old, you need someone in your life shtick, tell them exactly why you don’t.

You’re taking the time to focus on personal and professional development; you’re recalibrating your spiritual life; you’re fortifying your independence and reviewing your belief systems.

Or, my personal favorite, I don’t need anyone to complete me because I am whole and happy with or without romance. And it’s a good place to be.

My wish for you is that you take the time to examine your life when singledom comes knocking at your door and if the time is right, take the solo path.

Happiness born from within is deep and lasting.

It’s a gift only you can give to yourself and one you’re worthy of receiving.

If you liked this, you might fancy this: 10 Revalations About the Single Life From a Committed Relationship Junkie

Writers need coffee! I need coffee strong enough to wake up my ancestors! You can buy me one here if you enjoy my scribblings! Woohoo!

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